My Farewell Candle into the Ganges

I have been stateside for exactly one week, give or take a few hours. I purposely took off work during this time for readjusting not knowing what shape I'd be in physically and to process what I knew would be an amazing journey. I was STILL up at 3 am this morning, 7 days out, this time making curry chicken. Cooking is what I have been drawn to in these sleepless early morning hours. My dog is confused and I think I'm throwing off her sleep patterns as she tends to stick by my side like a good, loyal dog will do. Funny how she will park herself on the kitchen tile at 3 am and just watch me create meals and no doubt wonder about my level of sanity. At least that is the look I seem to get. Well, it is what it is..

Ah, India. I have this overwhelming task of reflecting back on my trip and finding it to be like taking a sip of water from a fire hydrant at full velocity. Of course there were numerous other stories untold, and some for good reasons since my parents are tuned in, LOL.

So I will try to speak about what I am mostly left with. Howard touched on some of it in the last post, stemming likely from observations several of us had about the way the culture seemed to operate. And that has to do with a consciousness and presence not as demanded in a culture such as ours with all its 'conveniences.' Increased consciousness seems to be what happens when there is lack of order and not just traffic, but also building codes and the measure of time itself. Howard said it best when he said that 'one can't NOT be present' when so little is uniform. I wonder if convenience, birthed out of 'improvement' has made our collective consciousness antennas dull. Many improvements are/were necessary with regard to human rights and social responsibility, but most improvments related to convenience I think, have made us lazy not just physically but consciously. And I won't even get into how convenience has added to destruction of our planet's resources.

Just this week I was driving to the doctor's office to attend to some other souvenirs, and in my first experience back on my own streets, I was out of sorts in all the uniformity. My mind wandered between traffic lights, though I consider myself to be a cautious driver. In the comfort of assigned lanes and bubbles of metal, the precision of it all seemed to allow for an unplugging of a more acute awareness seen in India. True, acute awareness wouldn't make sense here like it does in India. I did see at least one accident and saw/heard no fewer than two running sirens in the very short jaunt which is more than I experienced in India the entire trip where millions are piled upon millions in cities like Delhi. So I wonder if India's seeming uniformity of consciousness is forced by lack of structure while our creation of structure, furthering internal order for some, is still an individual choice as to how each utilizes that structure. We can all become less conscious when uniformity is external vs. internal. In India, one doesn't have that option. And look who seems to have fewer accidents. hmmmmm...

There is also a notable trust in life unfolding in the moment around most Indians that seems more important than a need to be somewhere at an appointed time. I mean WE were all on vacation, but those involved in their life's routines would often drop what they were doing or pause in their work to be fully responsive to any particular expression of human connectedness that occurred before them. A scene comes to mind following our improptu roof top vocals. Fellow traveller Steve and I continued singing as we trailed our group through winding streets toward our next destination.
At one point we were into James Taylor's 'Shower the People' with great soul and shopkeepers and those we passed on the street gave many a Namaste or reached out to shake our hands, applauded or even stopped what they were doing to follow us and snap pics, smiles all around. It was a completely shared experience.

It is widely known that interpersonal connectedness brings us closer to our spiritual connectedness because it reminds us that we are all one. It has also been said that we grow exponentially more in relationship than in any other place in our lives. I once heard that visiting India is like getting a masters degree in spirituality, probably, in part, because of this. Maybe when feeling truly connected, one can't help letting go of that underlying anxiety of not being a part of it all and are left reaquainting ourselves with a deeper spiritual nature. I know I experienced a taste of that on my journey.

Eye contact too, was deep and soulful, even if you were just buying an item from someone in a shop. And if you joined them in that connection, like many of us did, then most times it would be taken to another level of communing, such as an invitation to tea. That would lead further still to the exchange of addresses, phone numbers, emails (in my case, badmitten and hikes to mountain temples and invitations to stay with them on a next visit to India :) Connection seemed to be valued above all else.

I don't mean to minimize my good life here in the U.S. I have much to be grateful for, but I do trust that my experience in India will continue to shape my life and inspire me to be more connected in meaningful ways. I have lived much of my life in an independent way, keeping my own counsel often. I mean, we have prided ourselves as being, or at least I have, as the pick-yourselves-up-by-the-bootstraps kind of people. I think of my family's roots with a grandmother that did the unthinkable and chose to be a single mother with nine children rather than stay in a destructive marriage. In the late 1930's early forties no less! Those stories I have been proud of. Maybe it is the act that comes from a courageous and true heart that moves me, rightly so. And maybe what I'm really talking about here is checking in to make sure that I am acting from an authentic heart vs. a fearful one that desires the safety of staying inside the lines. If my grandmother would have acted out of safety or fear of judgment, she may have stayed with my grandfather, repressing her truer nature.

By the way, I wanted to share with family members that I had a very deep and powerful experience in India, while meditating in Pushkar, where I felt my grandmother's very strong and overwhelming presence. She had not been on my mind in the least so when she came out of nowhere so intensely, I was completely taken aback. What I felt she was saying to me was one of gentle correction: that while independence was one we all prided ourselves in, perhaps even from her influence, that a truer connection to others can start to erode because of it, and to just be aware of that. She is still with us, I am now sure, and she holds an even greater wisdom. Listening to that and adjusting my life accordingly will not be easy, but it feels essential to my personal growth. The group experience on the tour was another layer that played out along the same theme. I was observing it and my response to it on many levels.

So at the risk of waxing too poetic and kumbaya here, this is just a space I find myself in, in the afterglow of a love affair with India. Thanks for indulging me in my ramblings. I am fortunate to have the friends and family I do in my life and if you are reading this, you are one of them. I guess this is the official sign off of my India blog. May life continue to soften our hearts, not to make them weak but to make them true. Blessings and Namaste, Wendy